Confidence

The last two births have been interesting for me.

Both were grand-multips. The first was a friend of 9 years. I've been at her previous three births. This was baby number 9. That birth gave me a crisis of confidence.

I feel like I was too tentative and not decisive enough. I jumped the gun and likely would have transported if FL had not been there.

So, after messing up the dialation and having to transport the last mom and then this one, not knowing what I would have done if FL had not been there, I don't know if I'll be ready to be done in four more births.

There is still so much I don't know and I know I use FL as a
"crutch" when she's there, but I usually do great when she's not.
Anyway, I was pretty down on myself for a while. Preacherman says a responsible and mature midwife wouldn't hesitate to seek counsel when faced with something unfamiliar but I guess I feel like I should know way more.

The mom told me at her postpartum, "The WORST decision would have been going to the hospital." Preacherman told me, "No. The WORST decision would have been staying home until until it was too late for the hospital to even help"

The next birth was last night. 6th baby, first homebirth. During this lady's pregnancy, I had some minor concern about an issue, but felt with my hands that all was okay, even if numbers didn't match up. When I called Faerylady to report my clinical findings, but also my gut impressions, the mom's gut impressions and my thoughts that were contrary to what the number said, she freaked out. She said she was upset because she hadn't met this mom yet (NO my fault! She hasn't been coming here because she has so many moms due... and when she does come here, we've been trying to cram in postpartums because I'm so far behind in those!)

She finally did meet this mom and was able to assess for herself the findings. She was "alarmed" and "concerned". I spent the entire night after that visit worrying about what was going to happen, wondering if I needed to just walk the mom into the hospital to be induced, etc. etc. I kept saying to myself, "I just don't feel like it is really a problem. I don't feel with my hands that there is the problem we're concerned about."

Well, this mama had her baby last night -- 3 hours after Faerylady arrived. (another one down. 3 to go)

The baby? 10, 10 APGARS. Perfect. Cord wrap 3 x around her neck -- 37" cord!

And it was a lovely, butter, BORING, wonderful, beautiful, calm and peaceful birth. Baby born direct OP over an intact perineum -- her first birth EVER with no stitches. She said she was glad she trusted me and glad that I gave her full information and let her make decisions and that I stood by her decisions.

Oh, and the concern? I was exactly right in my estimates of how baby was doing.

Maybe I do know something?