Housekeeping

For a while I made this blog private, then I decided instead of depriving the world of the entire thing, I would just go through and remove certain posts from view. This was by request.

Learning to Shut My Mouth

One of the hardest lessons of being passionate about something is learning when to shut your mouth about that very subject.

I recently went to the home visit for one of Faerylady's clients. This mom was 38+ weeks and her baby had turned frank breech the week before. I was very anxious to share with this mom all the things I know about giving birth vaginally to a breech baby. I talked with her about acupuncture (she wasn't interested), version, chiropractic (which she was doing), doctors I knew who would do a breech vaginal birth, and the possibility that I would monitor for her and get her to the hospital pushing since her doctor had told her if she came in complete, he would do a vaginal breech.

Evidently, though he said nothing, the dad was extremely offended. He told the mom after we left that he didn't like "my attitude" and that no matter what, I was not coming to their birth.

I feel really bad that I offended this couple. I was so full of zeal, and passion, and trying to help her avoid an unecessary cesarean that it didn't even occur to me that she might be totally cool with an elective c-section for a breech baby (which she was). This is so foreign to me, so far from my own deeply held beliefs, that it is hard for me to fathom. Yet there it is.

I need to learn to back off a little, to follow Preacherman's advice that I don't have to "download everything I know into everyone I meet".

If you've ever quit smoking, discovered natural birth, had a sudden huge paradigm shift in anything, you know the zeal that I feel. It is so hard to just sit by, especially when I ASSumed that since this woman wanted a homebirth, she would be just as interested as I was in avoiding a c-section. It was impossible for me not to put myself in her place, on that cold table, in that cold room, being operated on. It was impossible for me to gasp "NO! Don't do that!" When she told me the c-section was already scheduled for 39 weeks.

Please understand, family that I offended, this was not intended to offend. I feel so deeply and passionately about avoiding unecessareans that I spoke without thinking. Please forgive.

Busy Time

The last six weeks have been a total whirlwind. First I took the NARM in the middle of August. I left three homebirth moms and one doula client who were all due. They all waited for me too. Then all four of them had their babies in 9 days. Whew. 3 of those 4 babies were within 2 oz. of 10 lbs too. All of them had great vaginal births. Two of them were VBACs.

After the second of these births, I discovered an issue with Mountain Mama. My heart was devastated, and I had to let her go from my practice. It was a very, very difficult thing to do, and it still stings. I have a new assistant, and she is marvelous, but she is not at a place in her life to want to apprentice. I have to remember not to lean on her for clinical stuff... she is just there to help me out, not to learn. I love to teach, though, and I"m sure plenty will rub off on her.

Then, just as I was trying to recover, I got a call from my dad that my mom had had a difficult time in dialysis, with trouble breathing, etc. They brought in ultrasound machines and discovered that she had a large blood clot in her Jugular vein and also one in the Superior Vena Cava. I booked a flight using Preacherman's frequent flier miles and flew up there for mom's surgery. It went well, and I was able to spend a couple days with her and my dad and brother. She is slowly recovering, but she really, really needs a kidney.

The day after I got back from visiting Mom, I got an email from one of our state midwives saying that one of my sister midwives in my state had lost her husband in a motorcycle/truck accident on his way to work. This particular midwife came 3.5 hours to supervise me for one of my NARM births when Faerylady was at another birth herself. She is a homeschooling mom of 6, 4 of her children still live at home. This was a devastating loss.

The weekend after that was the BOLD event two hours away. The widowed midwife had been the organizer. I drove out to help set up and help out in any other way that I could. The play Birth by Karen Brody was performed and it rocked my world. It was amazing, outrageous, inspiring, touching, and very emotional for a pregnant lady.

This weekend I drove 5 hours to a surprise party for a fellow brand new CPM who took the test on the same day as me. Congrats to you M, I know you read here!

The party was a blast. Her preceptor made "boobies" out of pineapples, peaches and cherries, there was a uterus cake, a chicken soaking in a "bath" with an egg between it's legs and milk duds "floaters" in the water, a sitz bath with chips in it and speculum halves for the scoops. It was really fun.

Now, on to the October storm. I have four ladies of my own due, and two that I'm helping Faerylady with. This will be a very busy month.

My own little pea in the pod is starting to make his/her presence known through subtle, weak little fluttery wiggles. I look forward to feeling those little tapping kicks in the upcoming weeks.

I Get to Use Those Business Cards

...that I ordered. The ones that say, "Certified Professional Midwife"!

That's right! I passed the NARM. After an intensive several days (4 babies in 9 days) I was feeling like I was going to go insane not knowing. Then yesterday the letter came and I am official.

7 years of study, apprenticing, preparing, all has culminated in this achievement! The other midwife I took the test with also passed.

Here's a shoutout to all the women who passed the August 19 NARM exam across the country. Welcome to the group!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Still no babies! I have: lady having her 7th baby (she's the ones who had the twins 2 years ago), only had two periods while nursing the twins when she got pregnant, so her dates could be off by a good bit. By LMP she was due on the 9th, but she's also been measuring under, so we'll see. Lady having her 3rd who was due on the 14th. Good dates. Giant baby. Like, probably 11 lbs. Her last baby was 10-4, and came out like a greased pig, so I'm not worried. Then a VBAC lady, 2nd VBAC, 3rd baby. She's been very worried about ending up with another C, she's worried about there being something wrong with the baby. She's 41 weeks today. She's seeing my doc also and will have another NST today.

I have my first prenatal with my OB today.

Here's my plans for this birth: considering that I had what amounted to PTSD and severe postpartum depression after Posie's birth (mostly due to the extreme, unbearable pain and not having anyone I felt comfortable with to call) I have NOT hired Faerylady this time. I've hired someone that I've assisted at two births, but we don't have a real friendship or pre-existing relationship.

I need to turn off my internal midwife for my own pregnancy and birth this time. I need to listen only to my body. I need to NOT CARE about other people's feelings during the birth. Sorry folks. That day is just about me getting a baby out. I will not be having a doula, or inviting ANYONE else to the birth. Just me, Preacherman, my kids (I didn't mind them at all) and my midwife, who I will trust and feel close to. I need to be able to go to "laborland" this time. And I've left myself a parachute. That's where my doc comes in. I can not suffer like I did during Posie's birth. I won't risk the PTSD again. If I have pain like that, if it drags on and on and on, I will go in and get an epidural. Yep, I said it. Me, the homebirth midwife. I'll go get an epidural if I need one.

And as soon as I made that decision, and made sure that everyone (Preacherman and my midwife) would support me in this, I relaxed and was able to breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe I won't need it.... Maybe my body will remember how to birth. But if not, well, I don't have to go through all that again.

I'm not going to resist learning lessons. I know there will be some. But I'm going to try not to obsess about anything. During my last three pregnancies, there was always something I latched on to to obsess about. So far, I'm feeling pretty mellow about it all. I'm not afraid of the labor, it will be what it is. I don't even really care what sex the baby is. I almost think after 5 girls, it'd be weird to have a boy! I love Posie so much, I know I wouldn't mind another girl. Whatever!

NARM

Did I pass? Wow, I have NO CLUE. I was totally not expecting the format/style of the test. So many questions with confusing answers (or answers where I would do half of A and half of B, but not ALL of either! So, which to pick?), or so many confusing questions -- with just ONE piece of missing info, etc.

The sample questions in the CIB are really representative of the entire test.

Still no babies. I was so worried about leaving these three ladies that were due and overdue... and now it's been 4 days and no one has had a baby yet!

As for me, the fatigue is amazing. I don't really remember being THIS tired with Posie, but I guess I could have been. Once again, I can feel my uterus nice and high in the abdominal cavity already. When my bladder is full, it's easily halfway between my pubic bone and umbilicus. I'm 7w 4d for those wondering.

Not really nauseated, although having lots of moments where I am VERY picky about what I eat.

Hope to be reporting on my NARM results in the next couple weeks. Please pray for me that I passed. I don't want to do THAT again.

Here I Go Again

I'm baaaaaaaaaack. Didja miss me?

T-minus 7 days to the NARM exam and guess what I saw 2.5 weeks ago?


Answers to the questions you're all thinking:
1. Yes, it says what you think it says
2. #8
3. Elated!
4. Yes, and we like it.
5. Yes, and we use it so the kids don't hear us
6. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Waiting on three mamas to have their babies before I leave and hoping that they do. Have had some very interesting births. I hope to start blogging more again.