I just found out from Faerylady that a previous client of mine is pregnant again. She was a primip and had a difficult posterior labor. She pushed for a very long time, had a minor shoulder dystocia, a slow to start baby and a very minor tear. Her mom was a doula that seemed to me to "freeze" during the birth and didn't engage in "doulaing" much, and later said she felt I had taken over her role. I felt I had only taken it over because someone had to and she wasn't doing it despite me inviting her frequently, "How about you rub her back? Can you hold her here? Why don't you lay down with her?" Etc. I did three postpartums for her -- 1 day, 3 days and 3 weeks, and then I got whooping cough and did not return for her 6 week. She was angry about this and said she felt I "dropped the ball" and had let them down and forgotten about them.
She emailed Faerylady to ask if there was anyone else in the area. There isn't. But Faerylady told her she would do the birth. The mom was thrilled. Faerylady said she was going to talk to me about it and needed to know why she didn't want me again. The mom said that while they loved me as a childbirth educator they thought I should have stuck with that and not be a midwife.
I realize as a midwife there are going to be people who don't like me. Who decide to use someone else next time. I knew this in my brain, but I guess I didn't realize it in my heart. I thought I was so wonderful that of course everyone would love me, right? Wrong. And it hurts.