Sunday, March 18, 2007

I Don't Want to do This Anymore

Twice today I've broken down in tears. I have that slow, careful backbending walk of a woman at 6 or 7 cm and the pressure is unbelievable in my pelvis and butt, and I'm NOT EVEN IN ACTIVE LABOR YET!

I can't do this another week. I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight. They hurt when I lay down. The best position is supposed to be the "worst" position for labor -- semi-reclined. When I semi-recline, they don't feel bad at all. But every time I stand up, I feel pain in my rectum.

I'm saying and feeling the things I would normally say and feel at 6-7 cm and I"M NOT EVEN IN LABOR YET. The tub feels good. I just got out. Had a glass of wine, watching Little Miss Sunshine and then going to try and go to bed and sleep. I can't ignore these. They are too intense. I have to make noise during many of them. Many of them last over a minute. There's no way I can just go about my daily life -- no way I could drive or anything.

I just don't know what to do. It's the weirdest thing. She's either ROT or ROP. Nothing is moving her position. She's exactly where she has been since January.

I'm getting so discouraged and tired of feeling like this. I just don't know how much longer I can do it -- AND I'M NOT EVEN IN LABOR YET!!!


Emily said...

Been praying for you this weekend! Maybe a chiro adjustment would help you out. House calls?! :)

Big hugs!! You can do this!


mm said...

I've been thinking about you all day long... hope things are moving along... or not? Either one... so long as you are content with it! ;-)

I am a Monkey's Momma said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now and I'm just itching to see a post that says "she's here!", but until then remember, it's a lot easier to take care of her while she's inside than out. But you know that, you've only done this a few times before. :)

I wish you a spiritually fulfilling birth.


emjaybee said...

Oh darlin, I hope that wherever you are, you have done it already...or are right now!

Blessing thoughts to you and little one.