I mentioned earlier we were waiting on a mama having her third baby -- her second with us. She is my preceptor's client and lives a little over 2 hours from me.
Anyway, I am not looking forward to going to this birth. All I can think of is how tired I am. When I lay down at night and plug in my cellphone to the charger, I just think, "Please, I don't want to be up all night at a birth." When the phone rings after 9 PM, I look with dread at the caller ID hoping it's not my preceptor telling me the mom is in labor.
Now, during the day, I'm cool about it.
I used to have difficulty sleeping because I would be so excited for a birth! Am I getting jaded? I don't think so. It must just be pregnancy. But is this how I will feel when my last three clients before the baby come due next month and in December?
I met with the lady who is due 5 weeks after me. I still havent' decided what to do about that. She is totally cool with me doing her late term prenatals in my nightie with a newborn if that's what it takes.
PreacherMan thinks I can handle it. I worry about the selfish issue. Will I even want to take care of someone else when I know how internal I become at the end of pregnancy? Is it fair to her? Is it fair to me and to the "meatball"? (That's what my 15 year old calls the baby. LOL)
I don't know who to ask these questions either. My preceptor is not big on women with small infants being midwives. I know many midwives who have worked through the births of several of their babies. I think I can do it, but not without support. I have the support of my family, but not of my preceptor. Sigh. Nine more births as primary and I will be ready to take the NARM.